25 Oct How to find a mentor and not just any mentor, the right mentor for you
It was National Mentoring Day on 27th October 2019 and to mark the occasion I wanted to write a blog about a question I often get asked – how do I find a mentor and not just any mentor, the right mentor for me?
I have many conversations with people about their development, their career, where they want to go and what they want to achieve and it seems that they come to a point where they realise that they could benefit from some additional help. Then this question usually follows: “how do I find a mentor, not just any mentor, the right mentor for me”?
If your organisation doesn’t have an internal mentoring scheme where you can find an internal mentor or perhaps you are looking for an external mentor, here are some of the key things to consider when looking for the right mentor for you.
Identify people you think you can and want to learn from
First things first, the fundamental reason that people usually look for a mentor is because they are missing something currently to enable them to grow and develop. The first thing to do is to start writing your list of prospective mentors based on people you think you can and want to learn from. Once you have some names, for each person write down: a) why you would want them to be your mentor b) what you think they could offer you and c) what you want to learn from them.
Mentoring relationships are not just about what you think you can and want to learn from someone. Whilst that’s important, people choose mentors because they respect that person, they find them inspirational, they admire their achievements and knowledge and they have a good reputation. Furthermore mentoring should be built on trust, respect and confidentiality, so when thinking about who you want your mentor to be bear these things in mind.
If you’re stuck as who the right mentor for you might be, reach out to people within your network to get some advice and guidance.
Put some time into thinking about how you are going to approach a potential mentor
They say first impressions count and they certainly do when approaching a potential mentor. You might be reaching out to someone you know, someone you haven’t seen/spoken to in a while, someone you don’t know and haven’t met before who has been recommended or just someone you admire and respect. How are you going to get in touch? Are you going to call them up, email them or reach out to them via LinkedIn? How you make contact really depends on your relationship with the person but whichever way you choose, I would always make the first contact as personal as possible.
For someone you know you will no doubt have a contact number or an email address for them. For someone you haven’t seen/spoken to in a while you might not have up-to-date contact details for them, but you can always do your research and look them up on LinkedIn and send them a message via LinkedIn. For someone you don’t know and haven’t met before I suggest you see if any of your LinkedIn contacts are connected to them who could connect you, as a referral is always preferable than being approached out of the blue.
What you are going to say
So you’ve identified a potential mentor – what are you going to say to them? I would start by being honest and clear as to the reason you are approaching them. People will always want to know why you have chosen them to be your mentor which is why the first point is really important to think through. Remember your mentor may have been approached previously to mentor someone, so why would they want to mentor you?
Be clear about what it is you are looking to get out of the mentoring relationship and why you think they will be able to help you. A prospective mentor is much more likely to engage with someone who has a plan and a clear idea of their goals than someone who doesn’t.
If you haven’t done this already I would suggest talking over the phone or meeting face-to-face is a good next step, so that you can discuss your and their expectations further.
Take time and put effort into what you are going to say and remember the person you approach may not be able to mentor for many reasons, so give them the choice to say no if they don’t feel they are able to commit to being your mentor.
Be clear about your expectations of your mentor
Now you know why you want a mentor and who you would like your mentor to be, the next step is to think about what kind of mentor you want them to be. There are many different roles that a mentor can play so it’s useful to be clear what you are expecting from them. You will also need to do some expectation setting and share how you envisage the mentoring relationship working. After all it is the mentee who drives the mentoring relationship. Here are some things to consider: How often would you like to have a mentoring session? Will this be face-to-face or virtual? How will the sessions be structured? How long do you want the mentoring relationship to last? All of this will be important for your potential mentor to know so he/she is well informed about your expectations and requirements and therefore able to make a decision as to whether they can commit to being your mentor or not.
Think about what you can offer them
People often forget that mentoring is a sharing and reciprocal learning relationship and it’s not just about the mentee. Mentoring is a great way for the mentor to learn something new whether this be about them self or a new skill(s). However, before you make contact with a potential mentor, have a think about what you could offer them. You will have expertise and experience in an area that your potential mentor doesn’t, so give some thought as to what you could offer, after all we all have something to offer someone else.
Rules of engagement
Mentoring is a fantastic way to learn from someone who has more knowledge, experience or expertise than yourself. As a mentee it’s important to have clarity on what it is you are looking to learn and/or develop from the mentoring sessions and come prepared with an agenda of what it is you are wanting to discuss every time you meet with your mentor. Remember you are responsible for driving the mentoring relationship, setting up the meetings and agreeing goals/actions. Make the most of every mentoring session and during the first session, take time to establish ground rules with you mentor and agree ways of working with each other. This step is often overlooked but it is key to a successful mentoring relationship.
What could be a better time to find a mentor and not just any mentor, the right mentor for you. #nationalmentoringday #timetofindamentor
Katherine is an experienced and accredited professional coach-mentor who is passionate about all things mentoring. As well as having had a number of mentors in her career to date, she has set up numerous successful mentoring programmes in a wide range of organisations and has seen the positive impact mentoring can have.
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